if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
