Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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