I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
