he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
