i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
