Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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