are you still at the devil's house?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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