didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Blood and glitter go together right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
