she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
