Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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