All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
