last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
