I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
