cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
