I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize