Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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