oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
