either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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