Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
