He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
