People in love make me want to vomit
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
