nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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