if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
even my farts smell like vagina
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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