I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize