If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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