I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
