But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
