oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
