Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize