I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
3pm strippers are depressing
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
