Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will be naked everywhere
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
