Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
