I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize