Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
