i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
