Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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