so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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