It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
