Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My pussy is not your playground.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
