I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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