i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
