if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
