You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
