if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
