Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
