Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
