He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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