I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
