Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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