she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
