i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
