I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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