we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize