My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
