In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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