Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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