i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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