she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
