sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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