She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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