he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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