shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
