I just pynch a tree in the face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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