I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
